Knowing Your Knee Jerk Reaction - I Am Loved
What is your knee jerk reaction to crises or a 911 situation? Does it change based on the scenario, the people involved or the roll you are playing at that moment? This weekend I had the opportunity to watch myself again in this situation. Sometimes I think that I have had too many of these moments in my life. Each time I experience one, it is as if I re-experience them all. For me, this has its positive and negative aspects. What I mean by that is I am able to draw strength and know-how from my previous experiences, but if I am not careful I can also step into intense fear.
When I was 8 years old, I witnessed my younger nephew (yes nephew) get run over by a car and critically injured. I have since learned that the emotional encoding of that experience would have me scream and run the other way from any scene which reminded my psyche of that moment. This is not a good thing to do if the one hurt is in need your help. Every time I witnessed my children get hurt, my knee jerk was RUN AWAY. As a mother I needed to learn to disarm this encoding so that I could be present with my children.
Later in life, my career choice, positioned me in a role where I HAD to be the “calm within in storm”. I created, trained and implemented emergency protocols. I was trained and taught Therapeutic Crisis Intervention in a group home setting. I am stellar in De-escalation techniques. I am the one trained to have the presence of mind to yell the command “Call 911” and secure the scene until help arrives. All of this training and experience “SHOULD” have my instinct and/or knee jerk response be one of calm. But even at this stage of my life I tend to experience the opposite when I am with loved ones, especially children.
Fear of what could happen is a funny thing. When you grow up as I did, in high alert state, always thinking that around the next corner Goliath’s shoe was about to drop, you might have the tendency to view this world in terms of “worst case scenario” or view the word with eyes veiled with a cloak of fear. I am a pro, the absolute most ingenious creator of worst case scenarios. I brought this so called talent into my career and for over 25 years it was my job to imagine and be prepared for the worst. Isn't that what Risk Management motto is? If you get me started the stories or scenarios I can conjure up are beyond belief. My best friend is also a pro. In fact she might be a little better at this than I am. We can weave wicked tales of fear and disaster if we allow ourselves to get rolling down the scary path of FEAR. The reason I mention this is because I just realized that something that could have been a debilitating aspect of my personality has become one of my biggest strengths. I love how if we allow, we can make super nummy lemonade from our lemons.
So why am I writing about this today? This past Saturday, my family and I witnessed a pedestrian hit and run in front of my daughter and son in-law’s home. This is the home of my 2 beautiful grandsons, the loves of my life. For six months I have been wrestling with worst case scenarios regarding the location of their beautiful home. Though a residential area, the tendency of the traffic that runs in front of their home is one of speed and disregard. The road leads from one side of town to the other, it passes in front of the high school and is used by many of the local residents to get from point A to point B. Foot traffic is equally busy. I have had an intense uneasiness regarding the safety of my grandchildren since they moved in. I am embarrassed to say that I have both day-dreamed and night-dreamed of horrific scenes. This is how my wounded mind works. So to counteract those thoughts I send up prayers of gratitude, love and protection. This usually keeps me from going a tad crazy from my possible obsessive thoughts. Saturday night, the street was busy with traffic, pedestrians and excitement. It was after dusk, we were excitedly waiting for the local fireworks to start and then before my very eyes what I had been seeing in my mind’s eye happened, but to someone else. The worst sound I have ever heard echoed across the lawn. Then the screams began!
My Knee jerk…. "OH MY GOD SOMEONE JUST GOT HIT BY A CAR, “CALL 911 CALL 911", (I can hear my husband echoing my call for help). I hysterically continue, "OH DEAR JESUS, PLEASE NO, OHHHH NO NO NO THEY HIT A KID. A KID GOT HIT! CALL 911, CALL 911. DEAR GOD PLEASE HELP! NO NO NO”….. all being said as I turned and ran the other way.
Within a split second, something from deep within me, from another source that does not know fear stopped me, turned me around and had me step out of FEAR. My hands instantly went up in motion and the healing frequencies started. I was drawn as if by a magnet to walk and cross the street to the scene. My son-in-law was already there. I then saw that it was a woman who had been hit, not the young child I had seen standing on the sidewalk just before it all happened. The magnet drew me in; I began to coo the scene into calm. First the young child who is crying in terror of what she had just witnessed, my hand instinctively hovered over her heart for a second as I looked her in the eye and said “you are OK ,love, you are OK, she is OK, love”. Then, I looked at the lady who was trying to help her injured aunt. Again, we made eye contact, my hand goes up I said the words, “you are OK, love, she is OK, love”. Together we hold the injured lady. “It’s OK, love, it’s OK” was said a million times all the while, one of my arms and hand were moving and interacting with the healing frequencies while the other is helping, holding embracing. We help position the injured lady on the grass, as comfortably as possible. The other lady eventually senses a need to leave, she tells her aunt that she loves her, stands up to go and tend to her daughter, the young girl who witnessed the accident. For what felt like an eternity, I sat holding the injured lady. The police showed up and began assessing and questioning. I continued interacting with the healing frequencies and cooing. “Its OK, love, help is here, it’s OK”. It's OK, close your eyes and rest peacefully now, it’s OK, love, my hand and arm continued to play, interact and receive the frequencies. By now my husband had taken a knee next to me, holding me as I held her. The container of love and peace which surrounded the scene was palpable. No one questioned what I was doing, there was no need. If they would have asked, I would not have had words, I didn’t know. In that moment I had become an instrument of peace.
Shortly there after, the ambulance arrives, I gently touch her head, I say a gentle prayer and my goodbyes. My husband, son-in-law and I return to the serenity of my grandchildren’s home. Hoping that It's OK now, We are all OK now.
As a family we are still in shock over this past weekend. There are many unanswered questions and emotions to resolve for all of us. My grandchildren are trying to make sense of the extreme reactions, sounds, sights of the night. My daughter and son-in-law are tasked with continuing to create a sanctuary of their home. We do not know what happened after we stepped away from the scene. We do not know the status of the injured lady. Who or why someone would flee the scene after hitting someone. We just know to continue to send and share love with ALL involved.
I do now KNOW that my knee jerk, my innate instinctual response is an instrument of peace. How is this so, how have I rewired my emotional encoding? I am not sure of the answer, but my gut, my head and my heart know that it may be because I have chosen to perceive this world, this universe, this dimension and my experiences with the eyes of LOVE. I have chosen Love over Fear. The battle was just an illusion, only LOVE resides here.
Two asides to this story:
Last week I was strongly told by my inner guidance system to start using the Twin Hearts meditation again on a daily basis. Obediently so, I have returned to my daily practice of this beautiful meditation based on the prayer of St. Francis.
On Wednesday of last week my daughter, listening to her internal guidance system created an I AM Loved, Affirmation Wood Round with a note to go with it. Her intention was and is to share the love.
Twenty minutes prior to the accident, as we sat chatting and staring across the street, she tells me that she felt strongly compelled to place one of the painted affirmation wood rounds and the note on the corner across the street. She told me I just want to leave it there for someone to find. (please see words of note below)
Dear lady who was injured and your family the affirmation and note were intended for you! Dear person driving the vehicle, this note is also intended for you. When it is all said and done we are ALL created in divine LOVE and You Are LOVED!
The Love Note:
Place this affirmation in a place where you will see it daily. Say it out loud and feel the power of this statement.
One day you will look at this affirmation and KNOW it to be true, you will feel the truth of these words run through you very being, lifting you to a new level of LOVE. On that day it is time to pass it forward. It is time for you to share the LOVE.
Please gift this “I AM LOVED” wood round along with this note to anyone you feel moved to share it with. It could be your best friend, a family member or better yet a stranger. The choice is always yours!
Prayer of St. Francis:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me bring love. Where there is offense, let me bring pardon. Where there is discord, let me bring union. Where there is error, let me bring truth. Where there is doubt, let me bring faith. Where there is despair, let me bring hope. Where there is darkness, let me bring your light. Where there is sadness, let me bring joy. O Master, let me not seek as much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love, for it is in giving that one receives, it is in self-forgetting that one finds, it is in pardoning that one is pardoned, it is in dying that one is raised to eternal life.
NEVER STOP DREAMING
Virginia is a Reconnection-Certified Practitioner and Reconnective Healing Foundational Practitioner. Reconnective Healing is known to transcends traditional energy healing techniques. It is neither a therapy nor a treatment. People experience physical, mental, emotional and spiritual healing during these sessions. For additional information visit virginia-adams.com or email at firstname.lastname@example.org